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Funny Love Poems Biography

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Laughter is the best medicine and it is also the best thing that you can do with your lips. What better way to cheer yourself up than having funny quotes and sayings as company. Read this article to know some of them right here.

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful- Bess Myerson

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law - Hubert Humphrey

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder- Anon

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less - Nicholas Murray Butler

I’m going to live forever, or die trying - Joseph Heller

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars - J.P. Getty

A friend is someone who’s there when he needs you - Anon

Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand - Benny Hill

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain - Mark Twain

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk- Charlie Chaplin.

Don’t drink and drive; you might spill your beer.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Everyone has a photographic memory, but some just don't have a film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of darkness?

People join the army for visiting exotic places, meet strange people, then finish them.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side, and the right side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. - Author unknown

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it. - Author unknown

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright

Born to be wild - live to outgrow it. - Lao Tzu

For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. - Clifton Fadiman

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!" - William S. Burroughs

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard

Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - William Shakespeare

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will RogersDo paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that's out to get them?

Do communion wafers taste better in Corpus Christi, Texas, or in Sacramento, California?

Don't call us "gun nuts"! With a government like ours, we'd be nuts not to have guns!

Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh? Wouldn't Jesus have preferred Gold, Platinum and Silver?

Gun Exchange programs would work great if they gave you a gun when you handed in a criminal!

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?

Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you.

Ever wonder why god-centered religions make a woman responsible for messing up the world?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

Everybody needs something to believe. I believe I'll have another cup of coffee!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to have to see you everyday

I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

I'm a right-wing, Republican, conservative Christian who thinks the spotted owl tastes like chicken.

I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.

Did Joseph get upset when the Boy Jesus gave away his coin collection?

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

Firefighting is like sex; size, equipment, and technique are all important.

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards in high heels

Give the anarchists an inch, and the next thing you know, they want to be in charge!

God could create the universe in six days because he didn’t have to make it upward compatible.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God must especially love Fundamentalist preachers, Paleoconservative Republicans and the mentally ill, since He is all they ever talk about

I consider conversations with people to be mind exorcizes. But I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

-Jarod Kintz

Someday I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.

-Jarod Kintz

A telemarketer called the other day and asked me for my name. I said "this is Pete." He replied "hi, Steve." I said "no, my name is Pete." He still didn't understand me so he asked me to spell my name. I said "no problem, P as in pneumonia, E as in Einstein, T as in tsunami, and E as in Europe."

-Pete Blankenhorn

Father Flannigan's Whiskey wants to remind you that wherever there are four Irish Catholics, there's always a fifth.

-Pete Blankenhorn

When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.

-Jarod Kintz

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"--Emo Phillips

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.--Emo Phillips

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.--Emo Phillips

My girlfriend loves Sex In The City. Trouble is, I live in the country.

-Jarod Kintz

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky -- but there wasn't any gum under any of them.--Emo Phillips

If you say you love someone and your actions are unloving, then you don’t really love that person.

Let us be mindful of our actions.

The precursor to action is thought. Sometimes it can be VERY hard to be aware of what we are actually thinking, especially because many of our actions come from unconscious thoughts. If we want to tap into what’s really running us, but are having a hard time, let us see what actions we are taking.

We want love, but we run away when it shows up. There is a misalignment there of desire and thought.

We want weight loss and a healthy body, but we don’t get off our ass and exercise. There is a misalignment there, too.

In this literal Uni-verse, we can LITERALLY create (from the inside out) any type of experience we wish. It is when our desires, our thoughts and our actions are in alignment that this kind of life begins to emerge.

The seed of a desire for something greater lives within all of us, but our lack of action prevents that kind of life from unfolding.

Imagine if a farmer had seeds and land to plant his seeds, but doubted that the seeds would grow if he planted them. So if this doubt were strong enough, the seeds would never get planted. Or, they get planted, but then the farmer becomes too impatient and digs up the seeds the next day or the next week because the crop hasn’t come yet.

The farmer still has no harvest. Then a second farmer comes by at harvest time with a full crop of harvest, and the first farmer gets jealous and angry at the second farmer for having abundance. The first farmer may blame The Uni-verse or say, “People like me aren’t supposed to have this harvest,” but in reality, it is the farmer’s own doubt and impatience that prevents him from reaping his harvest.

We are many times like the first farmer. Our seeds are our desires. Our fields are our daily actions. We must plant our desires in actions and then be patient. If weeds of doubt creep in, we must clear them out. And in perfect time, we will be able to harvest the fruit of our faith.

This is how life is. We need to nurture the fertile soil of our actions with faith and patience.

So, today, are you not getting what you want? Look at your desires. Look at your actions. Where is there a disconnect? How can you adjust your actions to sync up with your desires? And, if that feels weird, how can you change your MENTAL habits to allow yourself to take the proper action that is in alignment with your desires?

The answers to the lack you may be temporarily experiencing are all within you. Show up, let go and trust The Uni-verse one day at a time. Get your desires, thoughts and actions in alignment and then let your patience and faith shower down on the fertile soil of your actions.

Your harvest WILL come.

How can you make this change today?

As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Sometimes, the dynamics that we have with our families have crossed so far beyond a line that it just isn’t healthy to keep putting ourselves in their firing line and pushing ourselves to create connection that just can’t be forged when someone else isn’t having it.

If a connection with someone has deteriorated to the point where they just will not let you leave a visit without yelling, where they won’t respond to your requests for respectful communication, where they put you down, or worse, then here’s the only mantra you need: “I don’t have to.”

You don’t have to go to the holiday dinner.

You don’t have to stay on the phone for one second longer once they lay into you.

You don’t even have to call them back.

You don’t have to write the chipper Christmas card.

You don’t have to force yourself to be in the same room.

Sometimes, distance is the sane choice.

People wonder, however, if that’s the “right” thing to do. Well, here’s a great litmus test for whether or not you’ve really arrived at a point where it’s time to back off from the relationship: Do you feel upset thinking to yourself, “Fine, I’m not going to talk to her; I don’t know why I bother!” or do you feel like you’d be relieved if you didn’t need to interact with this person, yet struggle with feeling guilty about it, like you might be “mean” if you backed away?

Truth time: if it’s the former, you’re angry enough that you’re probably very actively contributing to the conflict in that relationship. It’s time to step up your skills, and work actively on resolving conflict.

If it’s the latter, you’ve probably tried fifteen things to remedy the situation, none of which worked, and you’re just… tired. Tired of trying to be sane within an insane relationship dynamic. It might just be time for a break.

The holidays are a time when we have more contact with more relationships than at any time of the year, and this brings up old relationship dynamics and triggers. When things feel chaotic and stressful, we can forget that it’s actually okay to have a calm, easeful, and peaceful life. It’s more than okay to decide to choose it, consciously, one conversation at a time.

Which of these mantras do you imagine you’ll be using this holiday season? Let me know in the comments below!

Love,