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Funny Love Questions Biography

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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard

Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - William Shakespeare

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will RogersDo paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that's out to get them?

Do communion wafers taste better in Corpus Christi, Texas, or in Sacramento, California?

Don't call us "gun nuts"! With a government like ours, we'd be nuts not to have guns!

Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh? Wouldn't Jesus have preferred Gold, Platinum and Silver?

Gun Exchange programs would work great if they gave you a gun when you handed in a criminal!

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?

Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you.

Ever wonder why god-centered religions make a woman responsible for messing up the world?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

Everybody needs something to believe. I believe I'll have another cup of coffee!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to have to see you everyday

I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

I'm a right-wing, Republican, conservative Christian who thinks the spotted owl tastes like chicken.

I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.

Did Joseph get upset when the Boy Jesus gave away his coin collection?

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

Firefighting is like sex; size, equipment, and technique are all important.

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards in high heels

Give the anarchists an inch, and the next thing you know, they want to be in charge!

God could create the universe in six days because he didn’t have to make it upward compatible.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God must especially love Fundamentalist preachers, Paleoconservative Republicans and the mentally ill, since He is all they ever talk about

I consider conversations with people to be mind exorcizes. But I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

-Jarod Kintz

Someday I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.

-Jarod Kintz

A telemarketer called the other day and asked me for my name. I said "this is Pete." He replied "hi, Steve." I said "no, my name is Pete." He still didn't understand me so he asked me to spell my name. I said "no problem, P as in pneumonia, E as in Einstein, T as in tsunami, and E as in Europe."

-Pete Blankenhorn

Father Flannigan's Whiskey wants to remind you that wherever there are four Irish Catholics, there's always a fifth.

-Pete Blankenhorn

When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.

-Jarod Kintz

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"--Emo Phillips

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.--Emo Phillips

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.--Emo Phillips

My girlfriend loves Sex In The City. Trouble is, I live in the country.

-Jarod Kintz

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky -- but there wasn't any gum under any of them.--Emo Phillips

“Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within the reach of every hand.”

~ Mother Teresa (1910-1997), Roman Catholic missionary & humanitarian

Such delightfully charming cute love sayings that warm the heart:

“Love is a game that two can play and both win.”

~ Eva Gabor (1919-1995), Hungarian-born actress

“Love is a great beautifier.”

~ Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888), American novelist

Love is quotes highlight the illusive mystery of love:

“Love is a haunting melody that I have never mastered and fear I never will.”

~ William S. Burroughs (1914-1997), American novelist, essayist, critic & painter

Love is all truth, Lust full of forged lies.”

~ William Shakespeare (1564-1616), English poet & playwright, Spoken by Adonis in play Venus and Adonis (799-804)

“Love is all you need.”

~ Paul McCartney (1942-), English rock singer, musician, songwriter & producer

Another of my absolute favourite cute love sayings:

“Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.”

~ Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998), professor & author

“Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!

~ Moulin Rouge, American movie (2001)

And some more exquisite cute love sayings:

“Love is a medicine for the sickness of the world; a prescription often given, too rarely taken.”

~ Karl Menninger (1893-1990), American psychiatrist

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”

~ Peter Ustinov (1921-2004), British actor, writer & dramatist

“Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.”

~ Erich Fromm (1900-1980), social psychologist, psychoanalyst & humanistic philosopher

This short love quote echos the truth found in The Bible that God is love:

“Love is an image of God, and not a lifeless image, but the living essence of the all divine nature which beams full of all goodness.”

~ Martin Luther (1483-1546), German monk, theologian, church reformer & father of Protestantism

“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.”

~ Thomas Robert Dewar (1864-1930), Scottish whisky distiller

“Love is a portion of the soul itself, and it is of the same nature as the celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise.”

~ Victor Hugo (1802-1885); French poet, playwright, novelist, essayist, visual artist & human rights activist

And one of Shakespeare's more famous quotes about love:

“Love is a smoke, made with the fume of sighs,

Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes,

Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.

What is it else? A madness most discreet,

A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.

Cute love sayings that make you feel like a child again:

“Love is a thing, well, it’s kind of like quicksand: The more you are in it, the deeper you sink. And when it hits you, you’ve just got to fall.”“Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away from one person to give to another. There’s always more than enough to go around.”“Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away from one person to give to another. There’s always more than enough to go around.”“Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away from one person to give to another. There’s always more than enough to go around.”Love is everything. It is the key to life, and its influences are those that move the world.”

~ Ralph Waldo Trine (dates unknown), poet

Oh how much richer and more exquisite is life when we love and are loved:

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.”

~ Unknown Author